Opinions

Recently, I had a discussion with an acquaintance, about opinions and judgments. It is my theory that we set forth our opinions in order to provide ourselves with the illusion of controlling our environment. The person that I was talking with challenged me on several different points - he asserted that 1) truth, opinions and judgments are all different - truth or instruction is good, opinions are useless, and judgments are bad. 2) God calls us to instruct others without judgment. 3). If we are unwilling to instruct others we are either ignorant or ashamed of the gospel. And finally, he stated that Christians are judged more than most groups because of the media.

Now, I was really intrigued because I think that God calls us to love, without judgment - before we ever consider instructing people how to live. Also, I think all terms mean the same thing, opinion - the truth maybe absolute, but we can only share our opinion about it. I also believe the media tries to exploit all minority groups with strong opinions. Christians are often singled out because we are so uncomfortable talking about such an intimate relationship with God that we end up sounding defensive and judgmental, when in fact, we are simply passionate.

When I mentioned that I gave up sharing my opinion for Lent last year because I thought it was unnecessary and I was sick of hearing myself asserting control over people and situations, I think I lost him completely

Jesus

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When I was a new Christian, not raised in the church at all, I remember reading the gospels and secretly thinking that Jesus was kind of mean. It is funny, because most people who read the Bible, understandingly have a hard time reconciling the character of god in the OT with god in the NT; my biggest problem was that I was really afraid Jesus might be a jerk.

My examples included stories from his life, like the Wedding at Cana - 'it is not my time yet, women!', I pictured him screaming to His mother.....it was disturbing to my adolescent mind. Even when He wept at Lazarus tomb, it appear self-righteous to me - as if He did not have the right to cry if He allowed his friend to die for the purpose of glorifying himself.

The hardest part was how blasphemous I knew my thoughts were. I was sure I was going 'down there'. So instead of talking with someone about it, I simply suspended my disbelief.....unfortunately, it didn't work for long. I had to confront my understanding Jesus, almost immediately.

After much turmoil, I have realized that a lot of what I was reading was distorted by my lack of experience in the world and my 20th century mindset. The other part of my problem was reading the gospels for what 'should be' not for what 'is'. When I realized that the gospels are a record of the teachings of Jesus and selected stories from His life rather than a legal document, written to enforce a code of moral conduct, I became aware of His compassion. It was only then that I was able to absorb any of the breadth of His love for us.

I guess, after all that I am trying to say that contemplating and reading the Bible in the most compassionate light possible brings you to the greatest truth of His teachings for us. Am I alone, here? Anyone else come to Christianity later in life and struggle with anything like this? I am grateful that God provided people in my life who could guide me through my misunderstandings, by reflecting the love of God, rather than the legalized, almost angry version I was getting from apologetic-type Christians I met - usually in conversations online.

Personal Responsibility

What is personal responsibility? It seems to me that a lot of Christian talk about demonic attacks and temptations, indicating many believe that the Devil is responsible for our bad behavior. I also think that nonbelievers have this stereotype about us.

I once heard a nonbeliever comment on a popular Christian bumper-sticker "I am not perfect, but God is not finished with me yet" as "I am not responsible, but I am right". Now when I first heard his commentary I simply dismissed it because I knew he was jaded, but now I am beginning to wonder....

Is refusing to take personal responsibility the crux of our problem? It seems to be the biggest fault of Adam and Eve - they blamed the Devil for their sin - in fact, they never repented. I am wondering if God's punishment was so severe because of this shifting of blame.

Going Backwards

One of the fallacies found within human nature is the idea that returning to the begining or the Garden is going to bring us to the most pure form of truth possible. I think America was built on this ideal. The first settlers were looking for religious purity, by trying to reclaim the practices of the early church in the footsteps of the Reformation. The founding Fathers also looked into antiquity for a model of government - Greece, for purity. The Fundamentalist movement of the late 19th century was trying to do what the Puritans failed to do. Even the Catholic Church teaches that the source of Apostolic truth diminishes over time.

Frankly, I think this is a real problem because it restricts growth; Christianity is supposed to be a living and growing religion. When people try to recapture the past, they end up re-enacting an inaccurate version - an idealized version of the past, which appears wooden and legalistic. Even if it were possible to recapture the past in an accurate manner, it would no longer be relevant. Unfortunately, instead of embracing change, we as Christians end up loving the ideals of the past and chasing rainbows, rather than focusing on loving people today.

Hypocrisy

No one likes a hypocrite, but it sure beats the alternative; a person without a moral standard.

The Breath of God

Genesis tells us that God breathed life into Adam - life itself is the breath of God.  It is said that the Jewish people received the name of God YHWH, which has no vowels and is not allowed to be pronounced, as breath - Yah - Weh.  I like this idea because it cuts across cultures and religion.  It reminds me that God created us all and Jesus died for us all.

Contemplation

Christ tells us in the gospels that we are supposed to have a childlike faith and I have been applying this idea to contemplative prayer.  Recently, after engaging in centering prayer for twenty minutes and watching a related video, my prayer group was asked to reflect on our experience.  A member struggling with intrusive thoughts during prayer, sparked an analogy that I believe describes my experience; I compare contemplative prayer to being put to bed as a young child.  The sacred word, used to focus attention during prayer sets the tone of the experience, sort of like the bedtime story sets the tone for sleep.  I listen to my thoughts from a distance, not engaging in conversation, but simply allowing them to exist; they remind me of the adult conversation I heard from the living room as I lay in bed.  As prayer progresses, emotions and ideas that cannot be describe by words flow past me, just like they did when I was falling asleep, as a child.  Finally, there is a dark, nothingness and a closeness; without thought or emotion; both are left behind in another room.  As a child, it was sleep, as a contemplative adult, it is an alert state; a meeting place for God.

Emotional Intelligence

I believe at the core, all religions are concerned with relationships with God and others so I decided to address 4 characteristics of emotional maturity, which is the foundation of our ability to form healthy relationships.

Delayed gratification:  Can you tolerate the negative emotions associated with waiting for a reward?  Researchers have hypothesized that the ability to delay gratification is connected with greater success in school and life.  In one study in Berkeley, CA, children were asked to sit at a table with a cookie placed in front of them on a plate (researchers first tried using a marshmallow instead of a cookie, but soon realized many of the educated children had never tasted a marshmallow) and told that they could eat the cookie now, or if they were able to wait until the researcher come back in the room, they could have two cookies.  The children were on camera during the time the researcher was out of the room - many of the children tried to wait, but could not, others were able to wait and were rewarded.  The children were tracked after the experiment and the results supported the hypothesis.  One of the reasons this skill is so important is because it is the foundation for the skill of following directions, which is key to performing well in school and future employment.  Following directions is also key to a successful interview - many job candidates are not able to answer the questions posed to them by the interviewer; they add in personal information or expand upon the question without actually addressing the question.

Indeed, we live in a world that demands adults to delay gratification, but caters to those of us who cannot or do not want to.  In fact, commercialism is dependent on instant gratification.

Emotional regulation:  Can you soothe yourself when you are upset? Do other people, circumstances, or your internal processes get your goat?  Being qualified for a job and having the ability to manage your emotions while performing the job involve different skills.  Emotional regulation is more than simply putting on a happy face when someone insults you or 'never letting them see you sweat' when you receive criticism; it is the actual ability to calm yourself down during these types of stressful times.  Many employers are looking for people who can handle their emotions (ability to be a team player), along with, or before job performance qualifications.  The ability to regulate emotions is also critical in forming and maintaining relationships with others.  If anyone is wondering if it is possible to have healthy, equal, adult relationships that last without being able to control your emotions - it is not possible.  Folks with borderline tendencies often test relationships by being emotionally reckless, which leads to a potentially equal relationship being reduced to a care-taking relationship or the termination of the relationship.  Therefore, learning to regulate your emotions and teaching children how to regulate their emotions is key to future employment and quality relationships.

Suspend judgment:  Are you the type of person who figures out the ending of the movie before all the main characters are even introduced?  Do you only read the headlines before determining the intention of the writer, circumstances of the story, and assigning blame?  Our society demands that we think quickly and we are often rewarded for sharing our opinions, whether they are informed or not.  Yet, I believe our quality of life and relationships suffer when we make snap judgments; even movies are more enjoyable when we allow them to unfold, instead of writing the ending.  A year ago, I gave up sharing my opinion for Lent, initially because I got sick of hearing my own commentary on everything I sensed, but as Lent progressed, I continued the exercise because I realized how much I was learning from others.  I became convinced that leaving the door open and allowing events to unfold without trying to control the outcome reduced my disappointment and condemnation of others.

Cognitive Flexibility:  Are you a person who can find several solutions to a problem? More than one method of performing a task?  Can you take on the perspective of another person?  One way to determine if you are emotional flexible is to think about a stressful driving situation; you are late and someone cuts you off in traffic, seems to slow down before running a yellow light, leaving you behind at the red light.  Maddening, yes!  So what is the motive of the driver in front of you?  Can you place yourself in their shoes, while removing intentionality?  How many neutral reasons can you list for their behavior?  I just heard a Buddhist story about a man rowing a boat on a narrow river.  He notices a boat coming right at him and he begins swearing and yelling at the boat; then, after getting no response he thinks to himself about how rude the other person must be and how foolish it is for him to continue steering his boat on a direct course with his own.  Finally, after the man goes to great lengths to steer his own boat out of the way, he passes the other boat and sees that it actually has no one steering it at all.

Cognitive inflexibility leads to a narrow view of the world and is a hallmark of a disordered personality.  In addition, it is one of the downsides of aging.

It is true that learning these skills at an early age is important and will save a person a great deal of hardship, but it is possible to practice them and incorporate them into your life at any age.