Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Jesus
When I was a new Christian, not raised in the church at all, I remember reading the gospels and secretly thinking that Jesus was kind of mean. It is funny, because most people who read the Bible, understandingly have a hard time reconciling the character of god in the OT with god in the NT; my biggest problem was that I was really afraid Jesus might be a jerk.
My examples included stories from his life, like the Wedding at Cana - 'it is not my time yet, women!', I pictured him screaming to His mother.....it was disturbing to my adolescent mind. Even when He wept at Lazarus tomb, it appear self-righteous to me - as if He did not have the right to cry if He allowed his friend to die for the purpose of glorifying himself.
The hardest part was how blasphemous I knew my thoughts were. I was sure I was going 'down there'. So instead of talking with someone about it, I simply suspended my disbelief.....unfortunately, it didn't work for long. I had to confront my understanding Jesus, almost immediately.
After much turmoil, I have realized that a lot of what I was reading was distorted by my lack of experience in the world and my 20th century mindset. The other part of my problem was reading the gospels for what 'should be' not for what 'is'. When I realized that the gospels are a record of the teachings of Jesus and selected stories from His life rather than a legal document, written to enforce a code of moral conduct, I became aware of His compassion. It was only then that I was able to absorb any of the breadth of His love for us.
I guess, after all that I am trying to say that contemplating and reading the Bible in the most compassionate light possible brings you to the greatest truth of His teachings for us. Am I alone, here? Anyone else come to Christianity later in life and struggle with anything like this? I am grateful that God provided people in my life who could guide me through my misunderstandings, by reflecting the love of God, rather than the legalized, almost angry version I was getting from apologetic-type Christians I met - usually in conversations online.
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The possibility I considered was that maybe Jesus wasn't always trying to be nice. I figured that, as a king, he must rule. Being in a world that resists good and control, it seemed inevitable he'd be faced with conflict and friction.
ReplyDeleteIn my mind, I ponder that "back in the day" when gods were GODS, they defined the standard and we weren't to question it. Who are we mere mortals to question the gods?
Looking at it from my mind today, and I know this won't be popular with some, I just see it as the writings of men and that it reflects their own thoughts to some degree.
I got bold (stupid?) enough to question The Book. Do we need a second...third edition?
In the Zen path, the thoughts in the Book are our thoughts and God is none other than ourselves. The challenge is embracing the paradox... Can we return to a non-dual experience of the Divine?
Ron,
ReplyDeleteI think I understand what you mean by there seeming to be a contradiction of God in the NT and the God of the OT in the Christian Scriptures. I think many people (myself included at times) get hung up in this. Here is my take on it as far as I understand it: I agree with you, that much of it has to do with our cultural understanding of what is acceptable (in our minds) for God's nature. I speak in reference to times when Jesus may be seeming to portray Himself as harsh or indifferent(the wedding in Cana, or the Cannanite woman with a sick daughter), while upon deeper study along with an open mind, comitted on finding the underlying thread of compassion, find the "Tender Warrior" of Jesus Christ.
I also want to submit that those of us with perhaps a "warped" view of our human fathers may find it difficult, at times, in relating with this seemingly harsh, cruel, judgmental God that we find in the Old Testament. While we see in the OT (Isa. 53:10 to be more precise) it was God the Father Himself who offered His Son to torture and death for all humanity. I applaud you for searching out answers to "checks" that arise as you have continued in your walk, And I would say that you came to a good conclusion, that in reading the Scriptures in the most compassionate light possible by the finite brain, you discovered an endless well of mercy, acceptance, and real love. As you and I discussing earlier Ron, it does really all comes back to love. And love is the one of the greatest simplifiers/clarifiers that there is. I hope this makes sense to whoever reads it! :) Blesings
,Julian